Preacher's Dilemma
If his address is a few minutes longer than usual: 'He sends to us to sleep'.If it's short: 'He hasn't bothered'.
If he raises his voice: 'He's shouting'.
If he speaks normally: 'You can't understand a thing'.
If he's away: 'He's always on the road'.
If he stays at home: 'He's a stick-in-the-mud'.
If he's in the presbytery: 'He never visits his parishioners'.
If he doesn't: 'Nobody knows what he's up to'.
If he talks finance: 'He's too fond of money'.
If he organises a fete: 'He wears everybody out'.
If he doesn't: 'The parish is dead'.
If he takes time with people: 'He goes on and on'.
If he is brief: 'He never listens'.
If he is young: 'He lacks experience.'
If he is old: 'He ought to retire'.
And if he dies?...Well, of course: 'Nobody could ever take his place'.